MAKING PLANS.
I decided today that I want to be a blogger. There are so many things in life to learn, and every one has a something to share! As I poked around, refreshing my dusty old blog, i found this draft post from about 5 years back. I determined to post it now because it is speaking to me even now.
"A man makes plans in his heart, but the Lord determines his path." -Proverbs 16:9
This is how my summer basically started. I started with this idea... (although I knew for certain I was to be in Topeka- other than that I didn't know much) that this summer, the reason God had me here was to pour into people, to lead them back to Him. I was going to bring God to people. And people to God. It probably wasn't so blatantly planned like that. But in actuality, that was kind of how it manifested itself in my life. I was starting with this idea that "I" could change in people. I thought I would have a "ministry". I didn't know if I would even have a internship, let alone a job, or for that matter a christian community that would be building me up (and vice-versa). In time, the Lord provided. He provided an internship! And it was in perfect timing so that I was able to help my mom and sister (and dad) during Melea's graduation and craziness of juggling three colleges. In time I began realizing,"Wow, this summer is really is not about me." It was obvious that any of my so so so important plans that I had made were not going to happen, and I needed to just. let. go. Every instance of me wanting something was going to be perceived as pushy or selfish, which at that point, it would have. It would not have been loving my family to ignore their needs and stress. The Lord just continually was telling me and giving me things to let go of: My desire to tell me family everything that had happened this semester, of important relationship decisions that had been made, my desire to know how they felt about it, and quite frankly it was my desire to know if they could in the future feel differently about a man that I admired and was pursuing me and was leaving soon. In this time, I was soooo confused.
"Lord what do you want me to do? Lord, what is your heart? Reveal it to me, Father!" At times, I felt like God was not hearing me, like I was talking to the wind. I felt that I was on my knees begging him...yet still I couldn't hear him. Do I call it off? Do I wait and talk to my parents? Do I just flat out wait? What does waiting even mean here? I had no idea...
Then He gave me these:
Isaiah 40: 27-31-"Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
28 Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
isaiah 45: 18c-19: “I am the Lord, and there is no other.
19 I have not spoken in secret,
In a dark place of the earth;
I did not say to the seed of Jacob,
‘Seek Me in vain’;
I, the Lord, speak righteousness,
I declare things that are right.
psalm 27: 7-9, 13& 14Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.Teach me your way, Lord;lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. I will remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
And this:
In His perfect timing, the Lord gave me two books, a biography on Hudson Taylor and Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliott. Elizabeth is probably my hero next to Jesus now. Everything she said made perfect sense. I recommend this book to any woman. Over and over the words kept popping out of the page at me... God kept telling me "No". He was giving me an answer! I wondered if I had been to stubborn to hear it before now. I was reminded of what Anika told me once. "Sarah you should be joyful that God has chosen to give you answer, even if it not what you want!" I have heard an answer from the Lord. So with more praying, it was final. I said, "Adeiu". For a whole summer and who knows how much longer to a dear friend.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they wil be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of things against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:3-12 Jesus' first teaching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RRZgr7wNDs
Jesus-- falsely accused on the greatest account anyone EVER could be, and He had ever right to, yet He bore the false accusations and asked "Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing. I'm learning to take this attitude. I have sinned just as this person is if not more. I don't deserve forgiveness. I really deserve everything that is not good, BUT Jesus forgave me. I am to reflect His glory and person. Therefore, do I have ANY excuse not to forgive this person? Any reason to hold a grudge? Any reason to this they are more sinful than I? Would not I want someone to forgive me and continue loving me in the same way even if I messed up (or continue to mess up?) 77 X 7 (seven is a number of perfection--so basically always) we are told to forgive those who sin against us. Do we not run to our Lord every time (although some times it takes us longer to get there than others (If I had cherished sin in my heart...) and beg Him to forgive our deeply engrained selfcentered, prideful thoughts and actions? I challenge you (I am currently learning to) to ask Father to make you as long-suffering (patient) as He is. As merciful and gracious as He is. He has every right to smite us every time we sin, but He doesn't because of His great love. In church today, I learned about the kind Zedekiah. For 200yrs, he and the kings before him did not follow the instructions and warnings of the Lord.
"Your story/past is not an excuse for your behavior/attitude." -anonymous-- if so, we'd all have a right to be angry or unforgiving.
bitterness&anger
fruit of the spirit
this is why God has me where i am this summer. Quiet is not all bad. On my bed I wait for you, O Lord. This is where are hearts are stilled. It takes discipline...to not get on facebook and be distracted by so many things...and even by lies that we tend to slip into--that we allow ourselves to believe. At this point, I know I am learning things He has been long-suffering with me about. These are things I finally need to learn. It is easy for me to slip into the mindset that my summer is being wasted. How have I impacted others for the Lord? No matter. This is where the Lord has me. Just me and Him. A friend encouraged me this summer and reminded me not to forget who I was. I am "a daughter of the king"-- Does a (good & true) Father not delight in spending time with her and loving her?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8&feature=related
The friend also said to not forget that the Spirit is using me. Simple truth. He is living in me. As long as I am allowing myself to be used by God, the Spirit will move through me. One thing that I prayed for and have asked friends to pray for me this summer, is that no matter what came of it, that I would continue to live in kingdom-centered mindset. What God is saying not so quietly anymore is that the kingdom-centered mindset starts where you are at. What do you fill yourself with? How do you spend your down time? How do you treat your family? Do you act like it's about you in your schedule, with all those "important" things you have to do? What if a day went by that every little thing you wanted to do was changed by other's plans, even something as simple as when (or if) you brush your teeth or get dressed, to when (or if) you can excercise to only helping someone do their "important things" even when they don't notice or thank you? It's hard to see that as rewarding now, which on earth frankly, it isn't, but this is what Jesus' parable is about. "Dont let your right hand know what your left hand is doing." A friend recently wrote this, and it really struck a chord: (summarized by me) Following God doesn't always include an adrenaline rush. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes His answer/providence includes a "no". That's Him loving us; He has a better plan". Thank the Lord that He took me back (and is still taking me back today) when I turned from disobedience. And thank the Lord that despite my disobedience, I cannot thwart His plans. 2 Chronicles 36:22
I am also learning that there are a lot of places (that in themselves are good!) that I have sinfully put my identity.
what does it mean to love our "enemies"?
What does it mean to "be all things to all people"
To conclude, my hope is that when you read this you are challenged. These searching questions are merely questions that the Lord has been pressing, oh so lovingly and patiently, on my disobedient, restless heart. I pray that this post isn't in vain- that our faithful Father uses this to encourage someone!
"A man makes plans in his heart, but the Lord determines his path." -Proverbs 16:9
This is how my summer basically started. I started with this idea... (although I knew for certain I was to be in Topeka- other than that I didn't know much) that this summer, the reason God had me here was to pour into people, to lead them back to Him. I was going to bring God to people. And people to God. It probably wasn't so blatantly planned like that. But in actuality, that was kind of how it manifested itself in my life. I was starting with this idea that "I" could change in people. I thought I would have a "ministry". I didn't know if I would even have a internship, let alone a job, or for that matter a christian community that would be building me up (and vice-versa). In time, the Lord provided. He provided an internship! And it was in perfect timing so that I was able to help my mom and sister (and dad) during Melea's graduation and craziness of juggling three colleges. In time I began realizing,"Wow, this summer is really is not about me." It was obvious that any of my so so so important plans that I had made were not going to happen, and I needed to just. let. go. Every instance of me wanting something was going to be perceived as pushy or selfish, which at that point, it would have. It would not have been loving my family to ignore their needs and stress. The Lord just continually was telling me and giving me things to let go of: My desire to tell me family everything that had happened this semester, of important relationship decisions that had been made, my desire to know how they felt about it, and quite frankly it was my desire to know if they could in the future feel differently about a man that I admired and was pursuing me and was leaving soon. In this time, I was soooo confused.
"Lord what do you want me to do? Lord, what is your heart? Reveal it to me, Father!" At times, I felt like God was not hearing me, like I was talking to the wind. I felt that I was on my knees begging him...yet still I couldn't hear him. Do I call it off? Do I wait and talk to my parents? Do I just flat out wait? What does waiting even mean here? I had no idea...
Then He gave me these:
Isaiah 40: 27-31-"Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
28 Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
isaiah 45: 18c-19: “I am the Lord, and there is no other.
19 I have not spoken in secret,
In a dark place of the earth;
I did not say to the seed of Jacob,
‘Seek Me in vain’;
I, the Lord, speak righteousness,
I declare things that are right.
psalm 27: 7-9, 13& 14Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.Teach me your way, Lord;lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. I will remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
And this:
Restless – Switchfoot
RESTLESSI am the sea on a moonless night
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed
Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams
Even in my dreams
I am restless, restless, restless
Looking for you
I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you
I am the thorn stuck in your side
I am the one that you left behind
I am the dried-up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won't run dry
Running hard for the other side
The world that I've always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites
Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run
I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Til the final healing
I'm looking for you
Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry
I'll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed
Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams
Even in my dreams
I am restless, restless, restless
Looking for you
I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you
I am the thorn stuck in your side
I am the one that you left behind
I am the dried-up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won't run dry
Running hard for the other side
The world that I've always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites
Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run
I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Til the final healing
I'm looking for you
Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry
I'll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you
In His perfect timing, the Lord gave me two books, a biography on Hudson Taylor and Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliott. Elizabeth is probably my hero next to Jesus now. Everything she said made perfect sense. I recommend this book to any woman. Over and over the words kept popping out of the page at me... God kept telling me "No". He was giving me an answer! I wondered if I had been to stubborn to hear it before now. I was reminded of what Anika told me once. "Sarah you should be joyful that God has chosen to give you answer, even if it not what you want!" I have heard an answer from the Lord. So with more praying, it was final. I said, "Adeiu". For a whole summer and who knows how much longer to a dear friend.
The actual learning of obedience hurts more often then not. For good reason: there is probable cause that it was something that we were been failing at if we are just learning it. It probably involves the removal of something we loved. But in this instance, I was joyful. It was weird. I was so joyful to hear the Lord and to obey! The Lord disciplines those he loves. Abraham and Isaac, just as our earthly fathers discipline us.
Matthew 11:25-30 "revealing to little children" "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they wil be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of things against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:3-12 Jesus' first teaching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RRZgr7wNDs
Jesus-- falsely accused on the greatest account anyone EVER could be, and He had ever right to, yet He bore the false accusations and asked "Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing. I'm learning to take this attitude. I have sinned just as this person is if not more. I don't deserve forgiveness. I really deserve everything that is not good, BUT Jesus forgave me. I am to reflect His glory and person. Therefore, do I have ANY excuse not to forgive this person? Any reason to hold a grudge? Any reason to this they are more sinful than I? Would not I want someone to forgive me and continue loving me in the same way even if I messed up (or continue to mess up?) 77 X 7 (seven is a number of perfection--so basically always) we are told to forgive those who sin against us. Do we not run to our Lord every time (although some times it takes us longer to get there than others (If I had cherished sin in my heart...) and beg Him to forgive our deeply engrained selfcentered, prideful thoughts and actions? I challenge you (I am currently learning to) to ask Father to make you as long-suffering (patient) as He is. As merciful and gracious as He is. He has every right to smite us every time we sin, but He doesn't because of His great love. In church today, I learned about the kind Zedekiah. For 200yrs, he and the kings before him did not follow the instructions and warnings of the Lord.
"Your story/past is not an excuse for your behavior/attitude." -anonymous-- if so, we'd all have a right to be angry or unforgiving.
bitterness&anger
fruit of the spirit
this is why God has me where i am this summer. Quiet is not all bad. On my bed I wait for you, O Lord. This is where are hearts are stilled. It takes discipline...to not get on facebook and be distracted by so many things...and even by lies that we tend to slip into--that we allow ourselves to believe. At this point, I know I am learning things He has been long-suffering with me about. These are things I finally need to learn. It is easy for me to slip into the mindset that my summer is being wasted. How have I impacted others for the Lord? No matter. This is where the Lord has me. Just me and Him. A friend encouraged me this summer and reminded me not to forget who I was. I am "a daughter of the king"-- Does a (good & true) Father not delight in spending time with her and loving her?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8&feature=related
The friend also said to not forget that the Spirit is using me. Simple truth. He is living in me. As long as I am allowing myself to be used by God, the Spirit will move through me. One thing that I prayed for and have asked friends to pray for me this summer, is that no matter what came of it, that I would continue to live in kingdom-centered mindset. What God is saying not so quietly anymore is that the kingdom-centered mindset starts where you are at. What do you fill yourself with? How do you spend your down time? How do you treat your family? Do you act like it's about you in your schedule, with all those "important" things you have to do? What if a day went by that every little thing you wanted to do was changed by other's plans, even something as simple as when (or if) you brush your teeth or get dressed, to when (or if) you can excercise to only helping someone do their "important things" even when they don't notice or thank you? It's hard to see that as rewarding now, which on earth frankly, it isn't, but this is what Jesus' parable is about. "Dont let your right hand know what your left hand is doing." A friend recently wrote this, and it really struck a chord: (summarized by me) Following God doesn't always include an adrenaline rush. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes His answer/providence includes a "no". That's Him loving us; He has a better plan". Thank the Lord that He took me back (and is still taking me back today) when I turned from disobedience. And thank the Lord that despite my disobedience, I cannot thwart His plans. 2 Chronicles 36:22
I am also learning that there are a lot of places (that in themselves are good!) that I have sinfully put my identity.
what does it mean to love our "enemies"?
What does it mean to "be all things to all people"
To conclude, my hope is that when you read this you are challenged. These searching questions are merely questions that the Lord has been pressing, oh so lovingly and patiently, on my disobedient, restless heart. I pray that this post isn't in vain- that our faithful Father uses this to encourage someone!
Comments
Post a Comment