"Moses' and Missionaries"

This summer has been less than I had hoped for, especially in the spirituality/relationship with God area. I always have high hopes for summer, and summers never disappoint me, but it’s never exactly how you think it’s going to be. I had the intentions of spending time in the Word and with God in prayer and listening (or rather better learning how to listen) to God. For some reason, this summer has been a complete fail in all those areas. I look at myself and think, “Goodness, and YOU want to be a life group leader. Hmmm..”  There are (a lot of) times when I can help but just feel unworthy of this position. I don’t see how someone like me could be trustworthy enough to lead a group of people.

One day, I was Skyping with a wonderful, extraordinary, undeserved friend who is leading this group with me,  had been having the same doubts. As we shared these sentiments, a thought kept popping into the back of my mind. The devil is tempting us. He is behind all of this. I strongly believe Satan is trying to thwart God’s plan.  I tell you what, Satan. You will NOT prevail. You can’t. Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. Our God is higher than any other. “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” I know Satan has been giving us thoughts of insignificance and unworthiness. As my friend and I were praying together, the Lord brought to my attention how Satan had twisted this whole thing. It was like an instantaneous realization. When it should all be about how God is going to work through us, and how strong God is, we have been little Moses’, making excuses for why we shouldn’t go. Someone else is better fit, or I can’t right now, or what if they don’t believe me. God is SO much bigger than the human nature of the two of us, plus Satan plus anything that gets in the way. What he wants from us is just a willing heart. And we can do that. Anyway, I read Psalm 38-42 that night. It was perfect. Basically it described my feelings: feelings of guilt, which confessed to the Lord and laid before Him, were turned into words of praise, patience, assurance of delivery and desire/thirst for Him and the Word. It couldn’t have been a better promise.

Psalm 42:1 “As the deer panteth for the streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?”

Speaking of leading and involvement in the so called “church”, (and I’m sorry this is so long. I ramble a lot. Being concise is not my forte ;)  ) , there is something that has really bothered me a lot lately. It really frustrates me when people say, “someday I would like to become a youth pastor, or lead a small group, or be a missionary blah, blah, blah.” I have heard it so many times that it almost becomes nauseating. Seriously.  Our society is a twisted crazy, breed always wanting recognition for what we want to be or pretend to be. And I know you are thinking “Oh my goodness, Sarah doesn’t want anyone to become involved or to live out their faith!” false, actually. Quite the opposite. It nauseates me because of all the dumb titles we put on everything. I do not doubt that God really does stir people to become a missionary or a youth pastor, but golly gee, it seems to me that everyone just wants the great titles…to be a “missionary”. For heaven’s sake, quite literally, we are ALL missionaries! Every single one of us is called to be a missionary, a mentor to the youth, a helping hand for those in need. We don’t need training to be these people! You can be. I can be. I hope you see that I am not just angry, but I feel that this is a righteous anger granted that I am in no way an exception to this trend, because I know many times in my past I have said similar things. So far nothing has become of those statements. However, I do think God is teaching me boldness to be a warrior for him and acknowledging his presence in my life is my everyday conversations with the people I encounter. You may have dedicated your past three summers as a cabin leader at a Christian summer camp, or maybe you spent your summer in the same city working amongst average joe’s, you are still a warrior for God. I am still a warrior for God…. And to maintain a joyful, content and God praising spirit within all of that, I feel to an extent that it is almost a greater character test with a greater triumph. For who knows, that co-worker you shared your testimony with …they might become a believer later on down the road. Oh wait….God knows. J

So I guess my final question I leave for you to ponder is:  What are your true intentions? Really search your heart, and as God to as well.  Do you do these things because it seems the Christian thing to do, and you want to look like a good Christian with a good title? Or are you doing it out of obedience to God’s calling in your life? Are you really listening to what God wants you to do, or are you “making up” His calling for you? Are you willing to do what doesn’t always look pretty, and to do the dirty work for God that doesn’t always get recognition?

And if you think this is harsh and that I am hastily casting judgment, let me know. I would really like feedback on this post.